I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize