Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
