Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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