remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
