she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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