If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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