Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to sanitize my soul.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
