Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Soap is not a condiment
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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