Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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