conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My vagina is officially offended.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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