Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
