You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
