yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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