You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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