so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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