On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
