Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
