i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
