Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
