You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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