she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
