I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its liver damage thursday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize