yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
