Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
