Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
