I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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