hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
