if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
