Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In America we eat man semen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So. Much. Porn.
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