i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
