yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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