I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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