The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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