I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
