There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
