i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
