I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
