I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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