I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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