But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
