someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
