I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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