What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
