As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
