There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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