you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
