Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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