Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
