youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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