Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
