dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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