You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
