apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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