connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
