You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
