Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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