Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
