The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
