i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
