Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
