I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
