i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
