"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
