Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
