you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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