I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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