its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize