was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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