I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
