it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
