is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize