The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
