life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize